When my second son, Devan, was about three years old, we (my husband and I) fought so hard to get him diagnosed with autism. He was non-verbal, which made it difficult for us to communicate in traditional ways. At first, I felt overwhelmed and didn’t know how to connect with him. His lack of communication and subsequent tantrums made it so difficult for the simplest of outings. He was kicked out of a pediatrician’s office for not “sitting quietly” while we were attempting to get his checklist complete to enter him in the proper school. We did get his checklist completed by a different pediatrician, but I felt at wit’s end, at this point.

I decided to embark on a journey of understanding and learning, seeking ways to reach out to my son beyond words. We did get him enrolled into the early learning program. At that point we were invited to a parental support group. My husband and I felt like this was not the place for us. You see, we never saw him as a “problem that needs to be fixed”.

Through this process, I discovered that listening is not just about hearing spoken words; it involves understanding emotions, body language, and the unspoken messages that lie beneath the surface. I realized that Devan was communicating in his unique way, and it was up to me to listen with more than just my ears.

We had a joke, “Be careful what you pray for, because God will make you earn it. I prayed for patience once, and I was gifted Devan.” Boy oh boy did we learn patience.

Not long after starting his new school, he started to quote commercials. Then came movie quotes. It wasn’t just random though. He found ways to communicate something in the proper context of what was happening, or being discussed. Devan was communicating with us through movie the quotes!

It wasn’t long after that we discovered that he had a remarkable talent for art. Through drawing and storyboarding, he revealed his thoughts and feelings. I treasured each artwork as a precious window into his world. Art became our way of communicating and understanding each other better. The way he could see right into a person, and truly capture their, I guess “essence”, was truly remarkable.

I, and anyone who witnesses his process, am in awe of the raw talent and speed that Devan can recreate the world the way he sees it. He is an adult now, and it trying to find his “new normal” every day. He no longer goes to school, and that has been hard on him lately. Just as we got through the early days. I have no doubt that his tenacity and perseverance, met with his talent, He will be a force to be reckoned with.

So yes I prayed for patience, and Devan not only taught me patience, but true understanding. He taught me that people shouldn’t be expected to be “fixed”. Each person is wonderful in their own way…it is up to us to meet them where they are, and try to understand them better. If only to understand ourselves better in the end.